You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
