did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
