and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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