i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
