are you still at the devil's house?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Mom said you looked used
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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