at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
whose parrot is this?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
