I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize