Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
