you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
