Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
