you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
