I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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