I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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