I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
