also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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