If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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