I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
