Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I am naked and annoyed.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
