I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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