He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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