the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
