Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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