Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
