My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
