the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
