Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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