Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
