I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
