i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize