just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
