she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
