her vagine was all disorganized.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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