It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
