he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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