i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
