the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
