Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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