god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
