This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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