Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize