My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
