when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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