Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
