Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So many bounce houses so little time
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
