She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
