shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
