we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize