I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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