I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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