God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
