My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
