I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
