you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
