If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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