so that wasnt chicken after all
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
