4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
