DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
