ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
