I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
