kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
