Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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