where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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