We're facebook friends in real life
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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