My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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