I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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