How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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