I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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