Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
