And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
