I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
