I'm lost and stupid without you.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
