I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
