I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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