we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
we're so committed to being not committed
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
