the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Randomize
